That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
