I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
