She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
