You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk is a universal language darling
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