At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
