New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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