loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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