if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We are two peas in an std pod
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
