Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
