I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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