I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
