yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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