weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
