i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
