i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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