living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
