The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
