I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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