Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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