I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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