I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
