You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
did i just pee glitter
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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