That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
