I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
a search helicopter?!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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