I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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