I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
