I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
