i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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