I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The best revenge is premature balding
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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