DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
