I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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