guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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