the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I party with great urgency now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
