when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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