I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
