No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
