If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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