Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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