so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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