I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
