Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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