After last night, I could never be a politician.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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