you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
