Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
