i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
