can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize