Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
