if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I believe in your delicious
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
