Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
