why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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