so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sex in a hospital.. check
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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