I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
