Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
