By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
