You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
