Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
