this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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