I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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