I hate your face
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
